By Floyd Godfrey, PhD

Recognizing What Teens Are Really Facing
Many parents today assume their teenagers are not dealing with deep sexual struggles, especially if they are raised in faith-based homes. However, hidden sexual behaviors are common among adolescents navigating a digital world that normalizes sexual content and encourages secrecy. Weiss and Glaser (2021) recount a personal testimony that echoes many teens' experiences: “I (Josh) discovered pornography at a fairly early age, and it awoke powerful urges in me that produced both a thrill and a deep sense of embarrassment and shame” (p. 63).

Shame and secrecy are the fertile soil in which sexual addictions begin to grow. This is not just about exposure to explicit content; it’s about how teens internalize what they see and feel, and how they cope with those feelings in isolation. Researchers like Mark Laaser have emphasized that early exposure, when met with emotional neglect or fear-based parenting, creates an internal split in young people, between their desire to be good and their inability to manage sexual urges alone.

The Need for Honest, Value-Based Conversations
Growing up in homes of faith, many adolescents are taught the value of reserving sex for marriage. Yet instruction without guidance often leads to confusion. Weiss and Glaser (2021) illustrate this disconnect: “Growing up in a Christian home, I wanted to be a 'good' guy, and I knew I wanted to reserve sex for marriage, but I also had little guidance about how to harness the desires I was feeling in order to direct them rightly. So, I took my desires underground and acted out sexually with pornography, phone sex, and other hidden sexual behaviors” (p. 63).

Parents must move beyond simply telling their teens what not to do. Instead, they should offer frameworks for understanding what sexual desires mean, how they are wired biologically and spiritually, and how those desires can be directed in a way that brings growth rather than shame. Jay Stringer’s work encourages parents to explore their child’s sexual story with curiosity, not condemnation.

Effective conversations begin with empathy. Ask questions. Listen without interruption. Validate their confusion or temptation without panic. Parents who are willing to say, “I’ve struggled too,” create space for honesty, connection, and healing.

Interventions That Begin With Awareness
Many teens are already in a pattern of sexual addiction before they or their parents even realize it. As one teen in Treading Boldly admits, “I both loved and hated what I was doing and did not realize for many years that I had developed a full-fledged sexual addiction even as a teen” (Weiss & Glaser, 2021, p. 63).

Therapeutic intervention may be necessary, but it starts with parental awareness. Therapists trained in sexual addiction, such as those certified through the AACC (American Association of Christian Counselors), understand the unique challenges of adolescent compulsive behavior. A coaching or counseling relationship offers teens tools to name their behaviors, explore the emotional roots, and move toward accountability.

Additionally, families benefit from coaching that equips both parents and children to grow together. When families recover as a system, rather than isolating the teen as “the problem,” deeper transformation can occur.

A Message of Hope and Direction
The silence surrounding sexuality in Christian homes is being shattered by a new generation of parents committed to truth and vulnerability. When parents talk to their teens about pornography and addiction with understanding and purpose, they offer something far more powerful than rules. They offer hope.

Every teen struggling with secret sexual behavior needs to know they are not alone, and they are not beyond healing. With the right support, honest guidance, and compassionate conversation, families can walk together toward integrity and connection.

Floyd Godfrey, PhD is a Clinical Sexologist and a Certified Sex Addiction Specialist. He has been guiding clients since 2000 and currently speaks and provides consulting and mental health coaching across the globe. To learn more about Floyd Godfrey, PhD please visit his website: www.FloydGodfrey.com

References
Weiss, D., & Glaser, J. (2021). Treading boldly through a pornographic world: A field guide for parents. Salem Press.